#and like what else is there. no clue i dont know
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ghhh i miss being in israel so bad
#like yeah it sucks ass there but istg i miss it so bad#like my view of being there is very specific because it’s always like just for family and friends no work or school or anything but still.#i need the vibes and the food and sjfkkf#i need the food so bad#theres like nearly nothing good to eat in aus unless you eat out#and im aware the good food in israel is eating out too BUT there is a difference between the expensive food in australia and the pastries in#israel which are like 14 shekels for 3 pastries and thats like a whole meal ur full#14 shekels in AUD would be roughly like. $5#ah shir#$5.60#meanwhile to get actually good food here its like 13$ for hotpot (which is cheap for food here)#or like 25$ for lasagna#and like what else is there. no clue i dont know#at least this one supermarket finally stocks israeli pickles again FINALLY#and the good brand too#finally had people (my parents) telling me off for eating pickles and drinking milk like one after the other as if thats not a normal thing#(its not a normal thing)#(but its my thing. pickles and milk <3)#omg once in israel right#i was at my paternal grandmas house with my dad grandma and my dads friend#and we were playing cards and shit and eating pickles#and i just sort of ate one pickle in like one bite i guess?? idk? (and these are like the medium 7-9 in a can not even small 10-11 in a can)#and this just made my dads friend CRACK UP like it was rhe funniest thing hed seen#like my guy u grew up with nu pogodi. youve seen funnier#but whatever it was hilarious he found it so entertain how i just practically swallowed it up#hes so silly i love him#i dont think i saw him last time i went to israel cos i was only there like tue-fri like 3 nights or something#fjdjkgkfjt i miss israel so much#such a shithole but its my shithole <3 miss it so much
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as someone who’s never liked timsteph i find it so funny that i just accidentally talked myself into a revrob au of them. revrob au where war games happens, steph (~15) gets captured & tortured, except this time tim (~16) comes in to try & help but due to [unforeseen circumstances] no one comes as backup, and they’re both tortured, leading to steph’s red hood era via being resurrected somehow by arthur brown and tim’s oracle era brought on via complications due to torture.
tim’s the one person steph won’t target, and steph’s the one person tim can’t really get angry with about killing, because they get it.
#THE ONLY EXCEPTION💥💥💥 except it’s like a kinda horrifically toxic relationship#steph is pissed that tim survived & is still condescending to her via his ‘as long as u don’t target the kids i won’t interfere’ shit#and tim wishes he died instead because now literally everyone knows abt him bc he was publicly kidnapped & recovered#tim was with steph as she died and she’s very grateful for that. tim is annoyed bc she didn’t have to deal w the aftermath like he did#like they have the worlds most unhealthy relationship but also it works bc their care outweighs their hatred#& then u also get fun convos where tim can’t stand damian/b/duke saying that what steph is doing is wrong bc *they weren’t there*#tim drake#batfam#dc#stephanie brown#anyway. i have never shipped timsteph. i dont know where the brainrot came from. i’m having fun here tho#reverse robins#tim becomes a biomedical / doctor esque thing and works in r&d at drake industries 👍#he’s the one steph goes to when she’s hurt. he can’t talk anymore & he trusts that she’ll always listen to him even when she doesn’t want to#anyways. what happened here.#(tim ends up having to kill black mask to escape bc he was held there even after steph died. bc he had info she didn’t.)#(it’d be hypocritical if he got angry at her killing ppl who did bad things.)#i know tim & damian are on good-ish terms when they’re adults but that tim still is fine w steph hunting damian /b/duke#bc ‘he got his chance to chew them out. now it’s her turn.’ i have no clue about literally anyone else yet tho#thoughts
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the thing about creating uf while having an osemanverse main blog at the same time is that u genuinely feel like it is so obvious who u are ALL THE TIME
like i don't do a good job at hiding it. it's just that no one has decided that they wanted to look hard enough yet! at least so i think....
#anxiety with this account consists of everyone secretly just knowing who i actually am#i mean#i dont even use my real name on my main account so u still wouldn't TRULY know who i am#thats not another clue i swear#im not saying anything else#just saying that to me its obvious#but really isn't that what they all think#they all being. yknow like. when u play hangman#and u think its so obvious the whole time#but in actuality the person playing is like... wtf is this#i think its like that.#i Hope it's like that#right guys???????????????#universe friday#osemanverse#alice oseman#radio silence#universe city
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does anyone have any tips for socially transitioning,,,,,,
#or like. can clue me in on what its like mkdfs#im trying to excersize (semi)regularly to work on my figure and confidence......... btu besides that idk what to really do msdkfs#im looking to get some modest clothing to try and pass. maybe wear a mask and stuff#dont really know what else i should keep in mind#diary
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i thought the mohglester was a joke but did mohg actually mohglested his brother!!😭
#ask replies#elden ring#shitposting#bghhghgjh SORRY LOL i dont know what else to tell you anon xDDDDD 😭#alright on a serious note I go with the 'it is strongly implied' and I used this meme because-#-martins involvement is my biggest clue to go off xD#I can closer inspect the case tho if you want me to because its true that nothing in Soulsborne games-#-is absolutely stated except for like 2 random facts#I just think it is the safest thing to assume though we're not on Reddit and know that-#-occam's razor =/= the only take possible#(glaring at YOU the 'there is no proof so you can't think this' squad!)
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im in a Situation rn where i cant tell if gay shit is happening to me or if im just not used to someone wanting to spend so much time with me
#fellas is it gay to go study with someone and they invite you to lunch and they decide to drive you to look at antique records#cause i have no earthly clue#is it gay to offer to watch an old fake mermaid documentary with you and 'make it a thing'#i dont even know if it was gay for me to ask my dad to make a guitar for them#and im the one that did that#being queer is so weird cause cishets do everything so formulaic#that i dont know how to categorize any of this#looking at antique duck paintings is a gay ass thing to do ALONE#how do you even categorize that when you do it with someone else#oh also is it gay to invite someone to watch you sing randomly at like 8pm or is that just something musicians do#i dont know#help a fella out idk what to do
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i am really never going to understand why people post "shifting antis dni" in the astral projection tag. "here practice that constantly gets appropriated by us and used as a weird justification for a new set of beliefs that aren't really based in the same reality you work with, and that also gets completely misunderstood by our community because we don't care to understand what you do and just pretend we know it's what we do like christians saying other religions worship the christian god, have a post! Also dni if you don't like our practice that has nothing to do with the one whose tag we just shoved this into"
if you're not astral projecting don't put shit in the ap tag. if you don't even know the difference between AP and RS I dont think your opinion holds enough weight to counter the pushback against flooding a separate practice's tag with "if you dont like the practice I'm talking about in your tags dni"
#I mean on the other hand I sure am Not Interacting my god#Im not of the opinion RS isnt a thing. I know its a thing - its a complex programming of mental spaces that branches off of#actually. I wont say it branches off things. Its its own thing like autovisions dreams mindspaces and other simulations - but it is#ultimately mindwalking - or whatever term someone else would want to use I just coined that for myself. It's travelling and projecting#into the Mental Realm. which is. explicitly. not the Astral realm. It's still a thing! It's not lucid dreaming or imagination. Very much th#early stages of it and experiences of those who cant programme the reactive mental into settling are gonna be lucid dreams and#imagination - just like what happens when youre not good at AP. but like. it's. a fucking. separate practice#and i do not understand flooding tags that arent what youre talking about and then saying ''dni if you dont like what im talking about''#like yeah theres an element of ''dont blame people for how others treat them'' - its not a case of ''you piss people off and then expect#them to not hate you?'' its explicitly a case of... you are continuously misunderstanding AP and using it as a backing#for your own practices and mixing up the two showing you have fucking No idea what youre doing with AP... so how else are we#supposed to take RS other than ''its a complete misunderstanding of AP and clearly it isnt even developed enough as a practice nor#based on enough truth to have its practitioners have the slightest clue about off-plane and OOB practices... if this is what RSers think of#the world and how it works and this is the depths of their understanding of it I cant support Shifting as anything more than#fantasy with vague references to established practices used incorrectly as justification''#~abyssal murmurs#like. tldr. youre putting it in the way of a tonne fo Anti Shifters because a) youre putting it in the tags of an art your art steals#justification from and chronically chooses to misunderstand and walks all over and b) you're showing a complete disrespect to the#practice of AP by posting this in the tags showing that your ''information'' and ''teaching'' is so misinformed you think AP and RS#are the same thing... so of course people are going to see that and think negatively of your practice. Not out of spite - but as a reaction#in the way of you are showing us that your practice is shallow and misunderstood#Look! If i walk into a jewish theology lesson and the speaker is convinced christianity and judaism are the same religion#to the point that when they post on social media they tag both when they talk about either... it looks like that speaker is clueless if the#cant even getthe basics of ''So what is it that I'm teaching about?'' answered right. If you cant even define the boundaries#of your practice as ''this is our practice this isnt'' then why is anyone going to think what youre teaching is real and grounded#and worth listening to and anything more than a crock of shite based on sounding mystical and Love and Light and freeing#at the cost of turning your mind off to just Believe what youre doing is grounded outside the mental??? why would people NOT#see these posts and BECOME antis
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hooohoooohoooooo i think i need to go back to therapy im starting to have Thoughts that im too stupid for again
#sometimes i really think id like to feel something without stopping to analyse whether its fair and logical in this particular situation#but then i see someone else do that and get so frustrated and annoyed because can you not SEE how its useless and unwarranted and illogical#which is bad! this is a bad reaction! which i am beating away with a stick obv but its still there and i hate it#i wasnt always like this is the thing and i feel like its actively getting worse which is what worries me#i realised some time ago i dont actually go to therapy to Get Better. that is not really my intention deep down.#i dont need the therapist to tell me why im like this because im actually very good at connecting those dots and i like doing it actually#i feel like a private detective with a board of clues and red string. its fun. what i actually really go to therapy for#is to have someone whom i can PAY to listen to me do it because only this way i wont feel guilty about it lol#and it helps that it's a person who's smarter than me and has some actual academic knowledge that i lack#also ngl id like someone to Explain some things to me cause baby i just dont fucking get it. i dont *understand* why other people do that#and ngl its driving me crazy. its like trying to play a card game where i dont know any fucking rules and everyone else does#but the moment i ask for some i get bitchslapped. so all i know is what ive managed to Observe and its enough to survive ig#but you never know when you'll do something that seems completely normal to you and everyone at the table will start tweaking#its like the older i get the less i understand and its Weird
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#fuck me sorry but that post actually unlocked so many memories for me rn and i simply must get them out lmao#anyways i just wish there was a way i could tell my geography teacher how much of an impact she made on my life#it absolutely shook my world view up when we did our lesson on migration and she asked me what the positives to immigration were#me. a brown girl living in britain her whole life where all she really saw and understood was an inherent hatred for immigrants.#and so i prattled off the textbook answer- they bring people who can do labour and earn more money for the country#and shes like 'and?' and i drew a blank. i couldnt think of anything else. what else were they worthy for?#and she explains. she says music. and food. and culture. and god. im tearing up just thinking about it. like in that single moment she just#fucking changed everything for me. like yeah. yeah ppl do bring that. they make this place everything it is. they bring Life to this place.#i feel like my words are so jumbled lmao idk how else to explain it i am simply soooooooooooooooooo emo like seriously#and it wasnt after i didnt have her as a teacher i was told my one of my friends that she always gives the best student in her class a#a yellow ring binder. the rest get green. guess what one i got. LIKE IM GOING TO CRY AND NEVER STOP. and i didnt know!! i never fucking knew#i literally remember her that day when she was like ah seems im all out @ H could you follow me pls and ill get you answer one from storage#and then she gave me a yellow ring binder like. fuck me man. fuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk#and i think back so much because she had a scottish sounding second name but she was married. and part of me thinks maybe her parents were#polish? just from context clues. but i dont actually know. and part of me is like am i just romanticising her? i didnt actually know who she#was. all i have is these little moments and how she treated me and the fact i liked her class#and people were so rude about her btw. like thought she was a dickhead. but she wasnt. she actually wasnt she just didnt take ppls shit. :((#and now im remembering that time i didnt do my homework and my friend took my jotter from the pile AS SHE WAS MARKING THEM and brought it#to me so i could copy off her#and ngl i always thought it was funny and sneaky but now im realising she probably fucking knew and didnt say anything because she liked us#god im gonna cry#i hope youre ok out there and i hope youre happy. i hope my idea of you is correct.#*insert spongebob laying on ground meme*#le text post
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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refraction railway guide: this fight is EASY SNOOZEFEST you can do it in 3 turns 😎
me:
#DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THE MECHANICS OF THIS GAME GENUINELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE#I feel like an idiot#is it bc I haven’t played ruina???#like girl I don’t know what these numbers in the little skill descriptions mean#i dont know what influences which skills appear on your dashboard each turn#I really have no fucking clue#im stuck on phase 8 nothing there inquisitors if anyone has any advice#like? did I just fuck myself over last fight#bc the guide is like yeah this one’s long but not hard#im getting cooked brother
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Added another 1k to my fic and got a drawing done, I love when the random burst of inspiration strike
#im gonna ride this as long as i can#also funny thing is i took art when i was a kid for like a year or two#and then i was in art club too for another year or two#but i wasn't very good at it what so ever#like i have no clue about anything i dont know how to color nothing#BUT im fairly decent at drawing hands as long as i have a reference#why? i dont know but thats literally all i can draw i can not draw anything else#is it good art? no. but is it better than a atick figure? yeah#its hilarious honestly#virus rambling
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#cw vent#because i feel horribly bitter in a way that i haven’t been in ages – and i’ve no clue what to do about it#wish i could be normaler and like not. i don’t know i feel genuinely silly right now and this is all so unimportant in the real world#but it upsets me so horribly and i HATE that i cant talk about this with anyone else either because theyll just think me crazy#i feel like everyones betraying me and turning against me [ NOTHING is happening but it will eventually ] type thing#its nobody fault i feel this way. its not even my own fault [ i dont think ] i just dont know i despise favorites and i despise the way#i feel right now. despise the way my mood is seldom stable#despise that i am always right about the things i predict and its so horrible i just want to be a normal teenage girl#do rebellious things at the mall with my friends why do i have to do all this#hate always being left alone in the end. hate how i always have to prove myself#💭
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Replaying Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time (Because Time/Darkness are the best ones, fight me) and went with Meowth because I wanted a novel experience I've never had before and tbh? Im having a blast. Its actually bringing me around on a pokemon I never really looked twice at past the obvious representation in the Anime.
Meowth is a super adorable pokemon and so fun to think about as a PMD character/OC.
#His name is Julian and hes a sassy gay cat#I do kinda wish the personality test would gently effect the dialog#I know these games are old and thats a lot of work for the tech available at the time but still#Oh well. I can imagine him in my head#Also I never name my partner because in world it never makes any sense#No other pokemon except the MC has a name outside of what pokemon they are#I like to imagine that aside from nicknames for affectionate and derogatory reasons Pokemon dont put much stock in names culturally#I like to think its more of a recognition through smell and body language and the like.#If two of the same species are standing beside each other and someone calls “their name”#they figure out whos being spoken to through context clues#Everyone in PMD assumes the MC's name is just a fun lil nickname their partner gave them and humors them sometimes#But in my own interpretation I like to think they just act like theyre a normal pokemon and say the species name like with anyone else.#And the MC has to just take a crash course in Pokemon cultural “Language”
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Blackwood farm may be a kinda questionable entry in the vampire chronicles BUT that is only because it wasnt told in what its true medium shouldve been, an internet arg
#blackwood farm#quinn blackwood#tarquin blackwood#anne rice#for the record i dont say questionable entry because i dislike it#i say that because its a bit of an odd fit in the series#i actually fuck with it severely#unfortunately it might be the most rasict book in the series#wish anne hadnt put all of. that. in#annes one of the rare writers that makes you wish she tried to put less representation in cause of how bad she is at writing it#like and i dont even know how youd theoretically fix it to not be racist#like if amc for god knows what reason tried to adapt quinn blackwoods story to television#i have no clue how they would de-ick it#like of course theres the dialog that never shouldve been written#and then how do you deal with the. literal. black. servants.#cause like okay obviously theres writing you can improve with them#but like no amount of writing will fix it if theres still literally black servants on this white manor#do you make the blackwoods black too ala louis?#but like i feel like the blackwoods are like the whitest family ever written#i guess you could change things up and alter things to make it work#oh and then theres also the issue of quinns never had a non incestuous/pseudo-incestuous relationship in his life#oh i guess jasmine isnt incest but she has still known him his entire life and is like what 10 years older than him#but you know general audiences might not be too fond of that#its a good thing none of this will ever come up cause no ones ever gonna adapt blackwood farm into anything#sorry for rambling there#i just by far think the racism/racial stereotyping is the biggest problem with the book#and i think its kinda crazy when people critique the book for other little things when theres all of that to pick at#like ok. there isnt enough lestat in it. have you read some of the dialog between quinn and jasmine i think we have bigger problems here#like nothing else in the book was as uncomfortable to read#im like woah i can accept ghost twin incest rape but i draw the line at stereotyping
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